Roald Dahl: Revolting Rhymes

Aaaaaannnnd.... I'm back! Have you missed me? My assignments are all done, so now I can spend some time here. I've actually really missed it. 

I ordered Revolting Rhymes by the spectacular Roald Dahl the other day and I wanted to share one of his shorter nursery rhymes. For those of you who haven't heard of Revolting Rhymes, its basically Dahl's take on classic fairy tales. For example, Snow White is a gambler, Goldilocks is a thief and Little Red Riding Hood is a hunter. My favourite is the story about Red Riding Hood.

Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf

As soon as the wolf began to feel

That he would like a decent meal
He went and knocked on Grandma's door

When Grandma opened it, she saw

The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin

And Wolfie said, "May I come in?"

Poor Grandma was terrified,

"He's going to eat me up," she cried.

And she was absolutely right.

He ate her up in one big bite.

But Grandma was small and tough

And Wolfie wailed, "That's not enough!

"I haven't yet begun to feel 

"That I have had a decent meal!"

He ran around the kitchen yelping,

"I've got to have another helping!"

Then added with a frightful leer,

"I'm therefore going to wait right here

"Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood

"Comes home from walking in the wood"

He quickly put on Grandma's clothes.

(He hadn't eaten those.)

He dressed himself in coat and hat.

He put on shoes and after that

He even brushed and curled his hair,

Then sat himself in Grandma's chair. 

In came the little girl in red.

She stopped. She stared. And then she said,

"What great big ears you have, Grandma."

"All the better to hear you with" the Wolf replied.

"What great big eyes you have, Grandma" 

said Little Red Riding Hood.

"All the better to see you with" the Wolf replied.

He sat there watching her and smiled.

He thought, I'm going to eat this child. 

Compared to her old Grandmamma

She's going to taste like caviare

Then Little Red Riding Hood said, "But Grandma, 

what a lovely great big furry coat you have on."

"That's wrong!" cried Wolf. "Have you forgot

"To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?"

"Ah well, no matter what you say,

"I'm going to eat you anyway."

The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.

She whips a pistol from her knickers.

She aims it at the creature's head

And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead. 

A few weeks, later in the wood

I came across Miss Riding Hood.

But what a change! No cloak of red,

No silly hood upon her head.

She said, "Hello, and do please note

"My lovely furry WOLFSKIN COAT."

I have to admit that I like this version better. Red Riding Hood is hard core. And Mr Dahl is brilliantly twisted.